~~more than words can express~~

Too many thoughts and emotions buzzing in my mind now. I just didn't expect things would get so complicated when we were trying to be genuine to someone whom we think is important. Why? Why could you spit such harsh words to someone whom you've known for ages? Have you forgotten all the things we've gone through? To you maybe those old good days mean nothing as you have more friends than you have had compared to our days. Though we are sort of like strangers who live next door to each other nowadays, it doesn't degrade your status in my heart. There were hundreds and thousands of time I convinced myself that we would be buddies till our last breath though we seldom meet and talk for all this while. How damn wrong I was!!! I've overlooked the invisible wall built between us. And I'm terrified with the very thought that it may be too late for me to do something about it now. I'm usually the type of person who will let go any friends if I feel worthless in working out the relationship. BUT this time it's different - - - you're more than a buddy to me; you're a sister whom I sincerely treasure. Ask me those whom I can't let go in my life, I'd say all my family members; and you are just one of them whom I'll cry my gut out if I have to say goodbye to.

When all the lights were OFF

We have forgotten how to be good guests, how to walk lightly on the Earth as its other creatures do.

- Stockholm Conference, Only One Earth, 1972

What were you doing last night from 8.30pm-9.30pm? Were you enjoying some interesting TV programmes with your loved ones? Or were you gluing yourselves to the computer, chatting or watching Youtube? If your answer is any one of these, you are probably the irresponsible guest to our beloved earth.

What was I doing at that hour then? Well, I was looking around my neighborhood, sending sms and thinking about what I was going to write for this post. All those activities were done simultaneously with all the lights off. Yeah, I'm talking about the Earth Hour Campaign; the campaign that aimed at educating people from every corner of the globe on the effects of global warming.

When I first heard about this campaign in few days back, I couldn't stop thinking how many of us would actually participate in it. Then I realized I have no rights in controlling other people's behaviour and actions. So, I asked myself, "Would you support this campaign?, Would you do what you think is right regardless of what others say and think of you?". In a heart beat, I got the answer from the bottom of my heart - - - YES, I WOULD.

And there I was, sitting in the total darkness, wondering why there was only one house (which is mine) in my neighborhood with all the lights off. To my relief, I found a friend of mine who saw eye to eye with me in this awareness campaign. She was on duty at a department store. To show her support in this green campaign, she daringly switched off the lights of her counter regarless of the consequences.

While I was observing all these in the dark, the clock ticked away that single hour in a wink. Pleased with myself, I reminded myself to always appreciate what I've got and to sacrifice for the good of all. Let's drink to the long life of our earth!!!

Free will

This was what I heard from a friend of mine. The details of the story I may have forgotten but the effect of it is too strong to be drained away from my mind.

There were three girls who lived in the same hostel and went to the same course in the same university. All of them were taking counselling as their major and they have passed the course as scheduled together. Upon graduation, all three have picked up a different route from one another to move on their lives.

The first girl opted to further her postgraduate study in another discipline for she had been struggling and suffering throughout her course. There's a possibility that she might face the same outcome in the new field yet she's determined to find the way out.

Meanwhile the second girl who had also gone through the same experience as the first one decided to work for a company in a different field. Although there's still a certain level of stress at her workplace, she's doing pretty fine with her career.

And then there's this third girl. Instead of jumping into another arena, she strives to achieve her dream; the dream which had connected the three of them, and the dream of which the other two abandoned half way. Taking up social worker as her life-time career, it's her responsibility to handle tonnes and tonnes of social problems. She needs to be there to counsel depressed people who attempt to seek suicide as the solution of all their despair. Often she's worn out handling the heavy workload and responsibility when she finally calls it a day. While she may have saved tens of thousands of precious lives through her excellent counselling skills, she ended up finding herself miserable and depressed.

So, if you were one of the three girls, which route would you choose to travel on? I wish I would have the strength like the last girl to carry on my dream. Nonetheless, I find myself feeble and vulnerable to fight against this highly unpredictable world. Thus, I'm on my way walking down the second route, hoping to gain fruitful experience at the end of the unknown destination.

An Amazing Metamorphosis

Of all my family members, my second elder brother was our worst worry. Struggling for placement and acceptance, he always had his own way of working things out.

Growing up the second of four children, he quenched his thirst for love and attention in a way much different than we siblings. He used to be a trouble maker in school during his secondary school life. Playing truancy, smoking in school, offending teachers were among the common discipline problems that filled in all his rebellious years. At one point, his discipline problem was so serious that the school suspended him for two weeks. Downhearted, mum and dad treated him 10 times stricter than before. Instead of transforming into a well-behaved boy, he resented staying home more than he had had. He would spend day and night outside drinking with friends. To him, home was merely a place covered with roof for him to sleep underneath.

Still, we kept waiting for the miracle to come about. Three decades flipped through like pages of a book yet his maturity remained static. We started to convince ourselves that he was destined to be the black sheep of the family. Also, we gave up in believing that there would always be sunshine and rainbow after every rainy day. YET...we were proved wrong.

The day we had been waiting for finally crept into our life without even knocking at our door. We woke up in one fine morning and surprisingly found that my brother had metamorphosed from an abominable caterpillar into a lovely butterfly. How he succeeded in the metamorphosis process we didn't know; all we knew was we were overwhelmed by the miraculous transformation.

Where has the most annoying, insensible and irresponsible guy gone then? Frankly, we couldn't care less what happens to "him" for we aren't going to find "him". No way. We already had what we longed for - - - a better son, a better brother and of cause a better man.

~ Endless cycle ~

I struggled to swallow the lump in my throat. In a vain attempt, I closed my eyes tightly to hold back tears. At such an emotional state, the endeavor to make up with him seemed to be worthless.

This wasn't the first time and would definitely not be the last time that we have had a quarrel about trivial matters. Though we both know pretty well about the key cause contributed to all the unnecessary despair, nipping the problem in the bud is just easier said than done.

Many a times, we promised each other to carefully walk on the communication path; not to overlook the sparks which would lead to hazardous blaze. Yet promises remained fragile when messages failed to be conveyed unambiguously. Without any prior notification, a blazing row would then break out.

I was exhausted; I wished to give it a halt. With the remaining energy I had had, I kept running, running till my lungs burst. SIGH... there appeared to have no end in sight for this emotional crisis. Miserably, I realized what I had done was an infertile attempt- - - for I was trapped in this endless cycle the minute I gave my heart to him.

The road taken

Standing in a shaft of sunlight, I look hard at the two roads diverge in a dense wood - - - wondering which way will be the right one for me to travel. Long I stand yet sixth sense is nowhere to be found. Troubled, I look up again and meet my eyes with the fading light of sunset. Twilight will be here in a minute or two. Another ending. No matter how worst the day is, it always has to end. Taking a deep breath, I walk down one of the two roads; the one which bents in the undergrowth. Determined and confident, I welcome whatever obstacles awaiting in my path. Regret comes awfully close yet it fails to find me this time.

A devilish angel ^.*

Susan took Are You an Angel or a Devil? quiz and the result is Pure angel 0:-) You are the purest of all the humans, you have never told a lie and you have always done your homework. You have done your household chores, and when your parents say no to a handphone, you obey them. When you are not allowed to play the computer, you don't play. When... never mind, you already get it. You are also known as "goody-two-shoes" by the greater devils. Many people enjoy having you around. Keep this up! ^-^ And I hope you didn't lie just to get this result of course. =.=

Above is the result of a quiz I took in Facebook which fascinated me a lot; not because of the result which says that I'm the purest of all the humans - - - I'm enthralled because it's too good to be true!!!

Don't suspect me for lying in order to get this result. I've answered most of the questions truthfully. Please note that I mentioned "most of the questions" instead of "all questions" because there are questions which I couldn't give my truest answer due to the limited options provided. Was this where I go wrong?

Now, let's analyse the result.
i) You have never told a lie - - - if I say "YES, this is true" then I'm telling you the biggest lie in my life.
ii) You have always done your homework - - - of course I have had; some I did by myself and others I copied from friends..shhh..help me to keep it as secret okay?!
iii)You have done all household chores - - - absolutely...I did all before Chinese New Year. I swear you don't want to know what happens after that.
iv)When your parents say no to a handphone, you obey them - - - Sorry, I'm not the mama's girl.
v)When you are not allowed to play the computer, you don't play - - - why should I be obliged to play the computer at the first place?
vi)You are also known as the "goody-two-shoes" by the greater devils - - - I can't help laughing my head off at this. Everyone who knows me well would definitely not link this phrase to my personality. Not even me myself. Would you? :P

So we have done the analysis. What do you think about the quiz? Does it really give a true account of me? Maybe you can help to judge this. Tell me what you think I am - - - an angel or devil? I'd say I'm a human definitely.

Beware of the wolf in sheep's clothing!!!

Have you ever met people like these - - - in front of you, they are friends; once you turn your back, they transform into loathsome wolves? If you have had such experience, CONGRATULATION to you!!! Don't be taken aback by what I have just mentioned. I meant it. You may curse me for having no sympathy; you may also think I have no idea how excruciating it is to be backstabbed by someone whom you never question his/her sincerity.

Calm down and be cool. If you have suffered from such catastrophe, I'm no different. I couldn't understand more of your grief and anger. Nonetheless, let bygones be bygones. All that matters now is we have learned the hard way, haven't we? We were taught not to overlook the dark side of human's soul. We were taught, also, not to fully trust any other human beings. And all these precious lessons would make us great survivors in this perilous world. So, I congratulate those who have experienced such calamity, not forgetting, to me myself!!!

So, what if you have never gone through this disastrous experience? What precautions do you need to get rid of people who would do the dirty on you? Here, I'm gonna suggest some of the ways you could consider as guidelines to single out the wolf in sheep's clothing:

• Beware of those people who seem overly friendly or charming at the first meeting. They appear to be easy-going, entertaining and often the soul of the party. Besides, they are intelligent, well-adjusted and likable. Most often than not, we are overwhelmed by their excessive generosity. A rule of thumb: "Don't judge a book by its cover" .

• Be cautious, also, to those who have high verbal intelligence but lack emotional intelligence. Despite their expertise in manipulating words, their stories usually show a shallow quality to the emotional aspect. For instance, they will only touch a little on how they felt and why they felt that way while sharing their stories with you.

• Be alert when you find your friends enjoy telling pathological lies. They would, for example, tell insensible lies as in whereabouts they have gone despite the fact that there is actually nothing to lie about. Worst of all, they think nothing of lying, cheating and or committing crimes. So, how do you tell whether you friends have such behaviour? It's when you find their stories don't add up!!

• Be wary of those who value people in terms of how they can be manipulated especially their material value. Otherwise, they would see people as obstacle to overcome and they would eventually work at eliminating these so-called "obstacles". They, indubitably, are the experts at the art of manipulation.
  

Last but not least, if you believe you are involved with a villain on any level; cut your losses at once before it turns into a WAKING NIGHTMARE for you!!!

Hate at first sight ^.*

Hi guys!!! Sorry that I haven't been writing any new posts recently. Actually, I have one post at hand which is yet completed because I wanna inject more better ideas into my work before I publish it. Anyhow, let's just forget about that at the moment and talk about some other thing - - - something which has absorbed me for the past few days.

So, what is so fascinating that occupied most of my time lately? Well, I have been reading a novel entitled "Twilight" day in and day out. I had watched the movie and sadly to say that I actually detested the movie version of this story. Could you imagine how this happened - - - someone who loathed the story at an earlier time has actually been engrossed by the same story at a later point of time? Frankly speaking, I don't know how I did that. "Ridiculous" is the only word I could think of to describe my current state.

I can still recall my nasty comments about this movie after stepping out from the cinema. Mainly, I was complaining about the dull plot. The poster of the movie had somehow lured me into believing it as a bloody vampire story. Thus, I was expecting some scenes shooting blood drinking acts (one of the significant features in a vampire story, isn't it?) when the plot centred around the budding romance of the hero and heroin. Finally, I worked out that it was merely an ordinary romance fiction. The only difference between this story and other romance fictions is it involves an immortal and a human. No more than that.

So, what made me plucked up the courage to take a second look at the same story (a different version, though)?

I was chatting with one of my buddies when she suddenly recommended me one superb movie (that's her opinion somehow). Yeah you got it right...she was excitedly sharing her opinions about "Twilight" with me when I threw her cold water, stating how excruciating it was for me to stay put in the cinema. She then told me that there were actually four stories altogether in this series. "Twilight" is the introduction which serves to bring out all the main characters and incoming complication. That somehow held my interest (I am STILL undoubtedly expecting the blood drinking acts =P). Henceforth, I decided to get to know the story better through reading the novel before watching the follow-up serial. And SURPRISINGLY I'M LOVING IT!!!

Those who were disappointed with the movie, maybe you should try what I did; take a second look at the story through reading and who knows you might experience the magical feeling like I did - - - Hate at first sight BUT Love at the second ^.*